It’s the season of giving, which has me thinking a ton about compassion.
Talking about compassion these days is no easy feat. So many acts of compassion as they’re played out today have a performative aspect. We need all the nice we can get, but sticking a camera in a person's face during their most vulnerable moments while someone does a good deed to capture a video for all the likes and subscribes feels kind of...not nice. You know the videos I'm talking about...
So after lots of internal debate about how to bring up this topic in a meaningful way, I decided to skip talking about past experiences with volunteer work or sharing videos. Good works speak for themselves and if they make a difference in the lives of others, let the recipients be the ones to talk. (**hops off soapbox**)
About this world full of need...
At this point, we’re working toward year two of some pretty serious upheaval caused by the pandemic. There are more lonely people and more people in need of love and support than I ever realized. (Maybe that has nothing to do with the pandemic at all. Maybe it’s just that my eyes and heart are open to it now.)
Latin nerds out there will tell you that compassion comes from: com (together with) + patior (to suffer). When we talk about compassion, the English language version of the concept carries this idea that we suffer with others. When we put this next to the idea that all beings are connected, it bears out.
I noticed that sometimes Rex closes his messages with, "We are not well until we are ALL well." I think it really speaks to that idea. The lived experience of others is tied to your own. The liberation of my soul is bound to yours.
An accidental box checker
If you’re like me, you might be a bit of an overachiever. Seeing all the need in the world might make you wonder how you could possibly make a difference. You might get really focused on deficits instead of thinking about what is in your power to change. I catch myself in this headspace all the time.
You might gauge how successful you are at being compassionate based on how well you meet certain metrics. It’ll be something like, “I see that 700 people on this list need X, Y, Z. I’ll consider myself successful when I’ve given X, Y, Z to every single one.”
That may look good on paper, but is this from compassion or is it an attachment to checking off boxes?
A world full of compassion
Yes, there's a lot of work for us to do, and as yoga practitioners, I think we're particularly attuned to this. I noticed that as my practice grew, so too did my feelings for others. (Translation: I'm a reformed Grinch.) It can all feel like a bit much.
Remember that you are not alone in creating positive change. When you stand together with others, the effort feels less daunting.
Even if you can't give 700 people X, Y, Z thing that they need, think about those you can help. Every individual you can treat with compassion will find their life changed for the better.
I was reading Rebel Buddha: A Guide to a Revolution of Mind by Dzogchen Ponlop the other day. In it, the author quotes Mother Teresa, “Never worry about the numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you.” One at a time, my friends. We help people one at a time.
Start at home
We’ve all heard people say that you can’t love someone unless you love yourself first. Frankly, I don’t think it’s true. I’ve seen lots of people over my years who find it much easier to care for others than to focus on themselves. Acting from a space of compassion can initiate a healing process and may even make it easier for someone to love themselves.
I do think that compassion and love are easier when you’ve done the work at home within yourself, though. If you treat yourself with kindness and tenderness, it will be easier to carry that love into the world. When possible, give yourself compassion first.
When we're giving of ourselves, it's also crucial to remember to build healthy boundaries. That means that sometimes you have to say no. Sometimes you have to build in time for your practice, or bodywork, or whatever you do to refresh yourself.
If there's nothing in the bank account, you'll start bouncing compassion checks all over the place and you'll end up feeling depleted.
I've witnessed many yoga teachers holding space for students in need of compassion. When I see this, I always privately ask them how they handle that energy without being overwhelmed. Without fail, they've all pointed to their self-care and grounding skillsets as a means for giving care to others.
As you build your compassion and capacity for it, you’ll be able to branch out. Meanwhile, the whole time you are doing your thing, all those people you positively impacted will maybe carry out some compassionate acts of their own, spurred on by your example. You won’t be attached to that notion, but who knows the ramifications of such action?
Metta (Loving-kindness) Meditation
I’m a big fan of loving-kindness meditation, a practice rooted in Buddhism that is pretty ubiquitous throughout the yoga world at this point. It’s a powerful tool for centering oneself and setting the stage for compassionate action. I know I've talked about this before, but we have many new people with us now. Besides, with a juggernaut of a concept like Metta, it doesn't hurt to drop by for a visit periodically.
You might wish to read through this section and then give it a try in your own meditation practice.
Just like I mentioned, we’ll start close to home. Speak these words lovingly to yourself.
May I be healthy.
May I be happy.
May I be free from suffering.
Think of someone dear to you. Give these words to them.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you be free from suffering.
Think of an acquaintance. Give this compassion to someone with whom you have only limited interactions.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you be free from suffering.
Think of someone that grinds your gears. Frustrating politicians, rude customers, and people who don't use their turn signals on purpose are good candidates. (Stick with me!) Give compassionate thoughts to them.
May you be healthy.
May you be happy.
May you be free from suffering.
Envision the entire world. Give the whole world and every being in it this expression of love.
May all beings everywhere be healthy.
May all beings everywhere be happy.
May all beings everywhere be free from suffering.
I return to this meditation often, and I'm quick to recommend it to others. Words are so powerful. We can use them to affirm ourselves, and we can absolutely use them to dip into the well of compassion.
Above all, be sweet
In my weekly conversation with Rex about this blog, I expressed my sense of overwhelm when it came to talking about such big topics as karma yoga and compassion. (The ideas were so big that you'll notice we stuck with compassion for this week.)
He told me about a person (and it's really his story to tell, so I won’t give too much away) who lived out his compassion every day. This person constantly looked for ways to help others. He showed up for people with his time and applied his skill and energy to make life a little easier for the people around him. He did this with no attachment to the outcome. It was just his way.
No, none of these acts were going to end up on the news. They did convey love and a sense of care into the world that continues to have a ripple effect to this very day. This type of compassion has transcended time and even the boundary between life and death. Just now, it has come from Rex's memory, to my mind, to your thoughts. It's potent stuff, this compassion.
Don’t underestimate those small acts, and above all, be sweet.